Now, however, with all that has happened to me in the last ten months, I find my patience wearing very thin. It’s probably a byproduct of having to redirect all that patient energy into keeping myself together, but whatever the reason I am beginning to be a whole lot less graceful about the whole “waiting” thing. In short, I’m over it. I’m over the endless patience with people who don’t deserve it, I’m tired of the patience I’m supposed to be exhibiting with the universe as it works out major decisions that could make or break my life path, and I am sick unto death of being patient with myself. All the patience I have exhibited with the hand I’ve been dealt should just about qualify me for sainthood, but I will happily stick with just being me if I could get some action going and stop all this incessant waiting!
I do better with a plan. I do better with direction. And I do better with control. These three things have been sadly lacking in my life lately, at least at the levels I need to feel secure. I’m tired of feeling insecure about my life and where it’s headed. It bothers me that I can’t accurately predict where my life will sit a week from now. A week! I’m not even talking long-term planning here; I’m talking about a completely reasonable timeframe that most people can at least provide the highlights for. I got nothing. And it’s really starting to get on my nerves. It seems that, with so many endings in my life lately, all that stress (instead of dissipating) is focusing on an ever-smaller subsection of my life—a subsection that can and will change everything depending on how it goes. I’ll know something for sure by this time next week. An answer is on the horizon—but if it’s the wrong answer, I’m back to square one and more stressed out than ever.
Am I whining? A bit, I suppose. But if it were all sunshine and roses, I wouldn’t need The Reinvention Project.
Lesson of the Day: Whoever first said “patience is a virtue” left out the part about what to do when said virtue runs out!
