Clean Slate

I never, ever thought that I would be starting over at this stage of my life. I had it all figured out. Career, education, family…everything was lined up and a bright future was on the horizon. My goals, dreams, aspirations—all coming together.

Until, suddenly, they weren’t.

Nine months ago my life went to hell in the space of 24 hours, and I watched all my dreams, all my hopes for my life, collapse around me. I was devastated. I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the day, much less a week, or a month, or the indefinite amount of time it was going to take to come up with an entirely new future for myself. It seemed impossible. And, in those first dark months, I wasn’t sure I even had enough left in me to try.

But human nature is a powerful thing, and it has always been my nature to persevere. So, that’s what I did. Through the horrible days and the unbearable nights, through hours when I felt so alone I could only curl up on the floor and cry, through minutes when it literally felt like my heart was tearing its way through my chest because even it couldn’t take the pain anymore…I stuck it out. It wasn’t always pretty, and it sure as hell wasn’t easy, and some days I spent every second clawing my way to a goal I couldn’t even visualize yet, but here I am. I may not be whole, but I managed to hold on to all the pieces I need to put myself back together. I may have scars, but that only means that the wounds are healing. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to describe myself as naïve again, but knowledge is, and always has been, power.

So here I sit, situations finally resolved, endings finally written, and a blank slate before me. It’s a tiring thought, that I now have to rewrite the story of my future—luckily, stories are kind of my thing. The Reinvention Project is nowhere complete, but I can now add the element of freedom to my quest. No longer tied to my past, there’s nothing holding me back. It’s scary, but I’ve always enjoyed a challenge. The possibilities are limitless; with no one and nothing else to take into consideration, I can, quite seriously, do whatever I want with my life. I have never been in this position before, and I’m looking forward to seeing what I come up with.

I’m still weary, I’m still sad, I’m still healing—but with the last nine months as proof that I can get through anything, I have hope. And hope, as Pandora will tell you, can make all the difference in the world. It’s time to pick up my pen and get to work.

Lesson of the Day: It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life.

The Genesis of The Reinvention Project

Sometimes life, for better or worse, presents us with the chance to change some aspect of our lives or our selves. Whether we have chosen the circumstances or had them thrust upon us, the opportunity is there for the taking—the question becomes, then: what will we do about it? I find myself searching for the answer to this very question after a recent series of events has left me standing amidst the ruins of a life that, quite suddenly and painfully, has ceased to exist.

As a new year approaches, I find the theme of new beginnings more apt than ever before. The path of my old life is ended; the path of my new life is undetermined. I stand at a place I never thought I’d be again: square one. My questions far outweigh my answers: Do I have the strength for this? Who am I? Who do I want to be? What do I want out of this new life? What should I attempt to salvage from my old life? What should I let go? What will the end result look like?

More important than any of these questions, however, is this: what can I learn from this experience? Empty pain is destructive; pain that leads to meaning, however—that is my goal.

Thus, The Reinvention Project is born.

How many people are in the same position I’m in? Faced with having to start over, to rebuild after the end of a life they would have happily continued living forever? How many people are wishing they could change something about themselves, or about their lives, but don’t feel they have the strength or resources to do so? How many people have finally decided to make a change or two, but feel overwhelmed or alone in their quest? They say there’s nothing new under the sun—I plan to add my voice to the masses.

Through this blog, I plan to chronicle my journey to a new life. I’ll post all that I learn in the hopes that someone, somewhere, will be able to take what I discover and use it to improve their own lives. If even a single person can use a single sentence to take a single step towards being happier, I will consider my journey a worthwhile endeavor.

It’s a new year—and my one resolution is to make it count.